This article originally appeared in Rebelle Society
Lately I have been thinking a lot about lies, the lies we tell our lovers or those we want to be our lovers. The lies we tell our friends, our co-workers, the lies society tells us, but most importantly the lies we tell ourselves.
Are we born liars? When do we start to lie and when do the lies we tell become the truth by which we live our lives?
On my hard fought, in the trenches, tear streaked face journey to self acceptance (that I am still on) I have been nose to nose with my lies. The ‘lies’ process started when I finally and I mean finally accepted my mother for who she is, not what I wanted or needed her to be but for who she is, a human being with flaws, with vulnerabilities and with her own book of lies.
In my most recent break down, break open, break apart experience that put me on this self-acceptance exploration I vividly remember crying in my therapists office, the kind of crying where there are snot bubbles and hyperventilation. I asked her what if the truth is that I am not good enough, not lovable. I mean there was evidence of this, so was she, was I, was everyone just lying to me? Was Jack Nicholson right, I can’t handle the truth!
IF faced with the ‘truth’ of being alone for the rest of my life when I so desperately wanted intimate connection after 48 years of pushing it away what would I do? Would I want to continue to live or call it a day? Would I sink into depression or go back to my previous substance abuse bliss and drink myself to death? What if I can’t handle the truth? What if, because of all my lies, all the lies I could not even see the truth?
This got me to thinking…….What IF the lie was that I was not good enough, not lovable, what then? I had been basing my 48 years on the fact I was not lovable, what the hell was I to do with myself if I was? Stop the fucking presses!!! The mere thought of that shook my foundation and literally took my breath away. What if my whole life had been based on the lie I had been telling myself, after all I do not go around telling people I am not good enough, hell no, I hide that shit behind the striving for perfection, the aloofness, the false strength, the refusal to show vulnerability. What if? What if every decision I ever made was based on a lie?
That whole thought was more than I could unpack in one sitting so I let it sit and resonate. I started to question what I thought I knew to be true. I questioned my repetitive version of my childhood, of my traumas, of my bliss, of my hateful self talk, of the stories I tell and I do tell some good stories……..what if it all was LIES?
This ‘lie’ trend starts early and continues throughout our lives. Our parents lie to us about Santa Claus, Tooth Fairies, society lies to us when it bombards us with what love looks like, what we must look like to be pretty and feminine, to be masculine, to be good God fearing people – we are surrounded by lies. How then do we challenge those lies to find our true truth? What would our lives be like without all the lies? Who would we become, how would we move in the world, interact with others, how would we love? How many people have been driven insane by their own lies, how many have committed heinous crimes based on their own lies? How many people have stayed in relationships that were bad because of lies?
There are lies that we tell ourselves, the lies are parents tell us and those lies that we, as a whole, as a society tell;
God will strike you down – goes along with only good girls and boys go to heaven. Nothing like placing that fear mongering crap early on, nothing like guilt to fuck a person up.
My God is better than your God – wars have been fought over this lie externally and internally.
One is the loneliest number – what better way to keep people small then to perpetuate you are nothing without a husband, wife, partner, without children, that you are somehow seriously flawed if you cannot attract and keep someone in your life.
You can banish cellulite – bullshit!!!! That shit be staying put and more than 90% of women have it so let it be. Why make the fact that you have it into some lie that says you are less than.
Big boys don’t cry – I love this one, this lie has single handily fucked up more boys, girls, men and women than any other.
You are a bad girl/boy – parents say this because they want to stop or change behavior that is undesirable however the hearer internalizes that and becomes ‘bad’.
The list goes on and on……insert your own.
Since what we tell ourselves and repeat aloud to others does become our reality, does become the glasses we see the world with, does define our decisions, does become self fulfilling prophecy, how then do we know for sure that everything is not a fabrication of our own mind?
Could you sit in THAT possibility? Does it make your heart race?
Could you examine the stories you tell and seek truth in them?
Could you open to the endless possibilities of what your life could be if you were to find out that all these years you have been lying to yourself and others?
HANDLE THE TRUTH?